Company of Thought
by JeiC
Summary: When separated for a long time from someone he has come to care deeply about, all he has are his thoughts to keep him company. Set to Here Without You by 3 Doors Down.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down. Simple enough, right? I write simply because I feel like it…or rather to get my muses to shut up for a few minutes.

Author's notes: Yeah, I'm dedicating this to someone in RL who I work with, but I get to see less than I get to see my friends that are away at school. This isn't exactly what I'm trying to say, but it's as close as I'm gonna get it and still have the fic I wanted.

Warnings: yaoi, mild angst, some swearing

**Company of Thought**

*by JeiC

**********

Home…I haven't been there for a long time. This undercover mission with the Preventers has kept me away for longer than I care to count – months works well enough since I have lost track. I don't think it would have seemed as bad if there wasn't a blackout on all communications…even home. I miss him far more than I have ever missed anyone before and even after all is said and done, I'm not allowed to contact him…they just sent me on my way home.

Turn over once and then to the right…

Never said that things the Preventers did always made sense.

Turn under once and then to the left…

You know, I got partnered with a guy who loved old music. I'm not saying that Barry wasn't a competent and capable partner – I'd like to say that we worked well together…he just likes old music a lot.

Turn over again and rotate ninety-degrees to the right…

Okay, now I have to get my mind back on track. I mean, I can understand why he likes this stuff – hell, he has me hooked on quite a bit of it. There's this one song though that he had…said he would listen to it anytime he longed to be home with his wife and family. I can understand why, but I don't know how it made him feel less homesick.

Flipping the disk over one more time for it to be right side up, I pop it into my player, settle my headphones, and relax as the private Preventers jet takes me ever closer to home.

_A hundred days have made me older_

_Since the last time that I saw your pretty face_

_A thousand lies have made me colder_

_And I don't think I can look at this the same_

You know, the mission wasn't that bad, but all the same, it was painful as hell. The part I played was so wrong…but it had to be done. At least that's one less organization trafficking weapons…

…one less innocent lost…

…one less kid that'll end up orphaned…

…one less person to lose all hope…

…one less family to be separated…

…one less dishonor…

…but I'm not sure if I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror the same way again. Then again, I've never been able to look at myself in the mirror like any sane person ever, and as much as I miss him, I won't blame him if he doesn't want to be around me for awhile.

_All the miles that separate_

_Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face_

I think it was a little mean of Lady Une to make us leave behind any traces of another life – you know like pictures that one would keep tucked away in their wallet and stuff, but all the same, I understand the need for it and it makes me happy that I can see his face more clearly in my mind than any picture could ever produce.

If I let myself drift far enough, I can also remember the warmth of a touch…the comfort of a hug. That's what kept me going through mission. Me with my memories and Barry with his music…even though he's been attempting to bring me to his dark side. I really don't mind 'cause the guy is cool. I mean, he gave me a copy of his "illegal" music – illegal being since we weren't supposed to have anything of our real lives with us.

Must be this song that's making me drift back and forth, but even as I start drifting away, his presence is still prominent in my mind.

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still on my lonely mind_

_I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time_

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still with me in my dreams_

_And tonight, there's only you and me_

I remember the day I got the assignment – I was to leave that same day, but I had some things to put in order in my office first and to, well, say goodbye to him. Lucky us that Special Ops has their own little department area and then we each have our own offices. When I got his attention at his door, he quickly allowed me in and shut the door. Must've been in a cover mood since his blinds were already closed – guy can't make up his mind if they are a security threat or a convenient cover, but either way he still hasn't gotten his requisition for a one-way window.

For the longest time we just held each other after I told him…soaking up what little we could before I had to leave.

Now that I think about it, maybe the reason Lady Une wouldn't let me contact him was because he was now on a mission. Well, at least it'll give me some time to calm down and unwind.

"Sir?" I look up at a nervous new Preventer. Poor thing – she's got green written all over her. Must be heading for the training grounds at the branch I work out of. "We'll, uh…we'll be landing in a few minutes and they asked if you could put your electronics away…Sir."

I smile and thank her – doing as she requests.

_The miles just keep rollin'_

_As the people leave their way to say hello_

_I've heard this life is overrated_

_But I hope that this gets better as we go_

Finally out of the plane and on the ground, my attention shifts to the world around me as the van pulls away from the airport and takes those of us from the Preventers flight back to the branch offices. Scurrying back and forth as certain businesses begin to close and people go about their boring, normal routines.

Really starting to wish I had one of those, but only for a little while – I'd go stir crazy after a period of time.

Getting closer, getting closer.

Dropping my work in my office and locking it again, I shrug my duffle higher up on my shoulder and head the last of the distance home on foot.

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still on my lonely mind_

_I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time_

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still with me in my dreams_

_And tonight girl, there's only you and me_

It's kind of funny, you know. We aren't really that close…can't really even say that we're together. He's just been there for me as someone who is willing to listen to a listener dying to be heard. It's the small things in all honesty. He makes me smile for real – not that stupid thing I put on to make my way through the trials of society.

So why do I share an apartment with him? Because I trust him and we kind of have this unspoken agreement to look after each other. I try my hardest, but there are times that I felt that all my efforts have been for nothing. But I have this little thing from him that I've kept for God-knows-how-long that keeps me going when I start to doubt myself. It was my "illegal possession" along with my memories.

_Everything I know, and anywhere I go_

_It gets hard but it won't take away my love_

_And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done_

_It gets hard but it won't take away my love_

I don't know what love is. I've had that word used against me before and from what I understand, love isn't supposed to hurt. So psychologically, I'm a little screwed up, but at least I haven't sworn off that word all together since I continue to work towards writing my own definition for it.

Even after everything that I've taken part in: on my colony, in the wars, and with the Preventers, I still hope that the ideal of love exists…kind of can't help but compare it to Relena and her ideals of total pacifism. I mean, after having sat through the middle off more than a couple blood drenching battles, she still held them firm. I think I'll have to call her at some point just to say hi and see how she's holding up as Vice Foreign Minister and if she's found herself a boyfriend yet.

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still on my lonely mind_

_I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time_

_I'm here without you baby_

_But you're still with me in my dreams_

_And tonight girl, it's only you and me_

Letting myself into the apartment, I don't even bother turning the lights on as I make my way to my room and dispose of my duffle bag. I won't be able to sleep right now as much as I would like to so padding to kitchen, I make myself a cup of green tea. I end up wandering around for a few moments before I find it rather stuffy in here and open the large window in the front of our apartment. The night summer air blowing in helps to calm me down since I know the tea won't and if he was here, he'd be yelling at me for my choice of beverage.

Hm…never noticed how nice of a view of the city we have. Someday I think I'd want to live in a house though.

"Duo, you're home."

Turning around I can feel a smile growing on my face…weird how he has that power simply by being here. "Hey, Heero. Thought Lady Une had sent you off this time. So did you miss me?"

"Of course."

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Fin

December 2003

*by JeiC

Comments?

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